


If At First You Don't Succeed

by Runan



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Awkward first time sex, M/M, Xeno
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-26
Updated: 2013-02-25
Packaged: 2017-12-03 16:00:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/700037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Runan/pseuds/Runan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat and Sollux didn't really expect their clusterfuck of a quadrant to last this long, and now they're staring down the bucket of biological imperative.  But hey, sex can't be that hard, right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, for purposes of this fic--bulges are for stimulation, while genetic material is released by the nook. Also, once one troll has come, they release a pheromone which triggers their partner to follow shortly after. It's kind of a bad idea to keep an Imperial Drone waiting, after all.

**\-- twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --**

TA: 2o ii gue22 tonight ii2 the biig night.  
TA: are you ready two 2urrender your maiidenly viirtue, KK?  
CG: WOW YOU’RE FUCKING HILARIOUS.  
CG: EXCEPT FOR THE PART WHERE YOU’RE NOT.  
TA: plea2e we both know iim going two 2weep you off your feet.  
CG: YEAH OKAY RAISE YOUR HAND IF A STRONG GUST OF WIND COULD KNOCK YOU OVER.  
CG: GO ON CAPTOR, DON’T BE SHY.  
CG: IF YOU EVER TRIED ACTUALLY SWEEPING SOMEONE OFF THEIR FEET YOU’D PROBABLY BREAK ONE OF THOSE TWIGS YOU CALL ARMS.  
TA: what2 that KK? Youre iin2ecure about your wriiggler fat 2o you have two iin2ult my 2velte phy2iique?  
CG: OH FUCK YOU, IT’S NOT WRIGGLER FAT. WE’VE TALKED ABOUT THIS.  
CG: I AM A CHISLED PARAGON OF MASCULINITY AND YOU KNOW IT.  
TA: ehehe nothing wrong wiith a liitle iin2ulatiion.  
CG: AAAAAAAND THIS CONVERSATION IS STOPPING NOW.  
CG: JUST  
CG: GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE.

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA] --**

\-----

“Ow.”

“What do you mean, _ow_?”

“I mean _ow_ , what do you think I--OW, KK, thtop for a thecond!”

Throwing up his hands in exasperation, Karkat sat back and glared at the troll beneath him. “For fuck’s sake, Captor, my teeth were barely grazing you.”

Sollux rolled his eyes, grimacing as he rubbed at his jaw. The carpet had left a faint zig-zag pattern along the backs of his arms from where he’d been pressed into it. “No shit. Your thtupid nubby horn wath digging into my fathe, though.

“Fine, whatever.” Karkat bent down, trying to tilt his head at a different angle so he could resume nibbling on Sollux’s neck, and promptly bonked his forehead on Sollux’s chin instead. This time they both yelped, before Karkat sat up again and buried his face in his hands.

“Okay, we are _not_ this bad at making out,” he groaned, his voice muffled.

There were a few consoling pats on his shoulder, and Karkat peeked through his fingers to see Sollux grinning up at him (and where did he get off looking so relaxed, the smug bastard).

“Ehehe, you’re jutht nervouth. It happenth to everyone.”

“Oh please, like you’re not? And don’t even start on the Feferi thing, one fucking handjob is not the full sex and you know it.”

“...Did you jutht thay ‘the full--’”

“ _My point is_ ,” interrupted Karkat loudly, “you aren’t any more experienced at pailing than I am, so drop the patronizing bullshit.”

He leaned down again, shutting Sollux up with a fierce kiss before the other could snark back. For a moment they lost themselves in the easy familiarity of sloppy make-outs, tangled together on the floor of Karkat’s respiteblock, shirts long since flung who-knows-were.

\-----

Every young troll knew how important it was to fill their quadrants. It was one of the first things they were schoolfed, along with their place on the hemospectrum and respect for the empire. The looming threat of the drones had them scrambling for concupiscent partners as soon as they hit puberty and their interior genetic material sacs started filling up.

But there was another reason, too. Once genetic material was being produced, pailing instincts kicked in.

It was never a big deal at first. Hit puberty, develop a sudden fascination with the anatomy below your belt and above your knees. But the urge to pail grew steadily with each sweep, until it literally _couldn’t_ be ignored, and if you didn’t have at least one romantic partner by then...the arrival of the drones would almost be a blessing.

Sollux and Karkat never really talked about whatever this thing was they had--they couldn’t even agree on what quadrant they were in half the time--and honestly, they hadn’t really expected it to last. Or at least, not last long enough for anything to come of it. But perigees had somehow turned into sweeps, and, welp, here they were.

And now biology had come calling, and it was cheerfully informing them that their bodies were ready to reproduce even if their minds were still kind of boggling at the idea--so break out those pails, kiddies!

“We should, uh,” Karkat managed to gasp out as he gulped in mouthfuls of the air he’d finally been forced to come up for, “...pants. Off.”

He thought he heard a dry snicker from somewhere below him, but then he was abruptly hovering in the air, blue and red tendrils of energy snaking along the hem of his jeans. He barely had time to let out a strangled curse before they were unceremoniously yanked down and tossed aside. And yeah, now Sollux was definitely laughing, one hand over his mouth in a half-hearted attempt to cover his snorts of amusement.

They’d seen each other shirtless plenty of times, of course. Karkat wasn’t quite sure at what point in their friendship-turned-groping-turned-shit-let’s-be-in-quadrants-together the removal of clothing had started being a thing, but he didn’t think it had taken very long. Anyway, naked thoraxes were nothing new.

Naked everything _else_ , on the other hand...

Sollux’s giggles sputtered to an uncertain halt, and Karkat had to fight the ridiculous urge to clap his hands over his bone bulge. He felt exposed and vulnerable, but--hell, he was going to have to get used to this, wasn’t he? Pailing involved getting naked. Right. So. Okay. He could totally do this.

Feigning confidence he most certainly didn’t feel, he crossed his arms over his chest and sneered. “Well, Captor? Are you gonna take yours off too or are you too busy being overcome with awe?”

“Don’t flatter yourthelf.” Sollux was trying to match him sneer for sneer, but his earlier self-assurance seemed to have dissipated and he hastily scrambled to sit up. His eerily blank eyes were hard to read, but Karkat was pretty sure they kept darting towards his bulge before flickering guiltily away.

Seeing Sollux finally start to lose his cool was a bit of a relief, honestly. He’d always seemed so damn _smug_ whenever they fooled around, even condescending at times, and he’d admittedly been a better kisser than Karkat--or he had been back when they’d first started this whole affair. Karkat’s technique had vastly improved, thank you very much, no matter _what_ certain pail-lickers said. 

Sollux was fiddling with the button of his jeans, but he seemed to be in no great rush to take them off. Karkat tapped his fingers against his arm and shifted awkwardly. His sheath was uncomfortably tight and he could already feel the tip of his bulge emerging, anxious to finally get some action that WASN’T his right hand, and Sollux’s inexplicable hesitation was starting to get on his nerves. “What, are zippers beyond you or something? Do you need me to hold your fucking hand? Feel free to join the pantsless club aaaaaaany time now.”

There was a warning snap of electricity in the air between them. Sollux took a deep breath, visibly bracing himself. “Shut up, god. Jutht--fuck. Don’t...don’t freak out or anything, okay?” He took another breath, and then, almost angrily, he yanked them off.

Karkat’s brow furrowed in confusion as his eyes swept involuntarily downwards. “Why would I...oh.”

There was a brief moment of silence.

“...Honestly, I would have been more surprised if you _didn’t_ have two.”

Karkat watched, transfixed, as the pair of slender yellow bulges coiled around each other, glistening with lubricating fluid. (He’d kind of thought maybe they’d be red and blue, and no, he did not spend way too much time thinking about what Sollux was packing between his legs, what are you even talking about.)

“Could you pleathe thtop thtaring at my junk?” Sollux snapped irritably, his face flushed. “I know I’m a bifurcated freak, okay, you don’t have to ogle at me.” More sparks were beginning to pop and flicker between his horns.

“Right, because having two bulges is _so much worse_ than having a blood color that’s not even ON the fucking--no. No, no, no. We are not having a mutant-off.” It took some effort, but Karkat managed to re-direct his rant before he could really get started. “We are here to _have sex_ , dammit, not re-enact every fucking trollian conversation we’ve ever had, and I for one plan on sticking my bulge into something before I go _completely shithive maggots with frustration!_ ”

Sollux’s mouth had dropped open slightly as Karkat paused for breath. Taking advantage of his momentary stunned silence, Karkat pushed him back down to the floor, swinging a leg over to straddle him. For a moment he felt smug, almost powerful--he was totally going to take control here, he was going to make Captor scream and beg with his pailing prowess and it was going to be _awesome_ , and...

...And he had no idea what to do now.


	2. Chapter 2

For a moment they could only blink stupidly at each other. Then Sollux slowly raised one of his ridiculously mobile eyebrows and waggled it up and down. Karkat could feel the corner of his mouth twitching, and he hastily bit the inside of his cheek. Sollux’s other eyebrow joined the first, and Karkat couldn’t take it anymore--he started snickering. A few seconds later there was a familiar nasally giggle from beneath him, and then they both dissolved into helpless mirth.

When he could finally breath again, Karkat swiped a hand across his watering eyes. “What the hell was that all about?”

Sollux grinned up at him. “Jutht trying to lighten the mood. We are taking thith way too theriouthly.” His eyebrows began their synchronized duet again, and Karkat snorted with amusement and punched him lightly on the arm.

“Stop that, you look even stupider than usual.” In truth, Karkat loved Sollux’s expressive face, with all its little quirks and twitches and adorable buckfangs. Occasionally he’d manage to convince himself that he would actually _tell_ his mercurial quadrantmate how goddamn cute he was, if only to see the look on his face, but he always lost his nerve at the last minute. Besides, Sollux would probably just make fun of him.

Karkat cleared his throat, brushing those thoughts aside. His body was screaming at him to get on with it already, and he could feel the vivid red flush creeping across his face and up to the pointed tips of his ears. Awkwardly, he leaned down to kiss Sollux again, tentatively running his hands down the other’s prominent ribcage. A pair of long-fingered hands returned the favor...and then kept going, curving around to squeeze his ass.

Sollux smirked at his startled jump. “Well, _thomebody_ had to venture into unknown territory firtht, and you sure ath hell didn’t theem to be making much progreth.”

“Yeah, well, it’s hard to play grab-ass when only one of us has an ass to grab,” Karkat retaliated. He settled his hands on Sollux’s hips and then mimed grasping at empty air. “Yup, nothing there. Clearly I provide all the ass in this relationship.”

Sollux squeezed again. “Ehehe, I’d thay you provide more than your fair share of _holy shit_!”

“Now who’s venturing into unknown territory, huh?” Karkat was proud when his voice didn’t waver, despite the fact that he now had a double handful of bulge. He stared at them as they coiled around his fingers, then beneath them at the exposed yellow slit and the thin trickle of pre-genetic material that leaked from it. Oh. Uh, gosh. That...sure was Sollux’s nook, wasn’t it?

“Well don’t jutht thit there like a moron, my bulgeth are not going thtroke themthelveth,” Sollux snarled, jolting Karkat out of his daze.

He gathered both of them together before sliding his hand smoothly upward, adding the little twist at the end he enjoyed whenever he did this for himself. The resulting moan gave him a feeling of smug satisfaction and a renewed sense of boldness. “Hey Captor, feel free to reciprocate any time now.”

Instead of reaching for his bulge like Karkat expected him to, Sollux folded his arms behind his head. Then Karkat had to bite back an extremely embarrassing noise of his own as he felt the first unmistakable brush of psionic power against his groin. The sensation was incredible, but...

“Sollux, you better have really fucking stellar control.”

“Relakth, KK, I got thith.”

Another caress from those ghostly fingers erased any concerns Karkat might have had, and he bucked his hips a few times before he was able to regain some semblance of self-control. Belatedly he remembered to keep working Sollux’s bulges--it was sloppy and he couldn’t quite seem to get a steady rhythm going, but Sollux certainly appeared to be enjoying it.

Time passed in a pleasant haze for a while, but soon it was no longer quite enough. Reluctantly, Karkat eased his hand free from the bulges twining around it. Sollux’s eyes, which had drifted shut, popped open again to glare at him before widening in sudden nervous understanding.

“Are, uh, are you...you know, ready?” Karkat swallowed, trying to work some moisture back into his suddenly dry mouth.

The faint glow from Sollux’s eyes flickered slightly. “Wait, when did we dethide _you_ were the one thticking your bulge in _me_?”

“Well, _one_ of us has to stick a bulge in someone, and you’re not shoving both of those fucking things up my nook! At least, not this time,” Karkat amended magnanimously when he saw Sollux’s eyes narrow at the perceived slight. “Look, we can, like, switch off in the future when we know what the fuck we’re doing.”

Sollux sighed. “I...Fine. I gueth that maketh thenthe.” Digging the fingers of both hands into the carpet, he gingerly spread his legs.

Oh god. They were really doing this. Awkwardly, Karkat maneuvered himself into position, and his bulge moved without conscious thought to flick against the opening of Sollux’s nook. They both shuddered, and Sollux’s knuckles turned pale as he clenched his fists in anticipation.

Karkat took a deep breath. “Just...lie back and think of Alternia.”

“...The _fuck_ ith that thuppothed to mean?”

“I don’t know, okay? It’s just something they say in romance novels!”

“That wath thuppothed to be romantic?”

“Look,” sighed Karkat as he closed his eyes and massaged the bridge of his nose. “Just--okay. Let’s pretend that entire stupid exchange never happened and get on with this.”

He watched Sollux’s prominent Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed. “Thtop lecturing me and jutht thtick it in already.”

Another pang of anxiety needled at Karkat’s stomach, but fortunately his bulge seemed to have a better idea of what to do than he himself did, coiling instinctively back towards the slick opening it had found earlier--and, taking a slightly shaky breath, Karkat eased the tip inside.

It was tighter than he expected, but the heat was familiar. Sollux burned like the starship engine Karkat had once privately sworn he’d never let him become. And it felt so, so good. He tried to push deeper, but the slick walls clenched around him and he was forced to stop.

“Dude, _relax_ , I’ve barely even started!”

“YOU fucking relaxth!” Sollux snapped back, and Karkat could hear the strain in his voice. His heart plummeted a little when he saw that Sollux’s eyes were squeezed shut, teeth clenched and tiny drops of sweat beading on his forehead.

“Fuck, sorry...does it hurt? Do you...want me to stop?”

For one agonizing moment, Karkat thought Sollux would say yes, and he was immensely relieved when he received a quick little head shake instead.

“No. It...it’th not too bad, kinda weird but...jutht, go thlow, okay?”

“Okay,” Karkat promised, his own teeth bared in a grimace of concentration because he really, _really_ wanted to just shove himself into Sollux as fast as he could and feel that hot, wet squeeze around the entire length of his bulge...no. No. That would be a shitty thing to do, and also Sollux would probably toss him into a wall if he tried. He could go slow.

Bracing himself, he pushed forward again. Sollux was biting his lower lip, probably without even realizing it, and the little gesture was way sexier than it had any right to be. It was making Karkat’s resolve to pace himself incredibly difficult, especially since the steadily increasing pressure on his bulge was scrambling his ability to think coherently. His pan had essentially been reduced to mental grunts of _FEEL GOOD. MOVE NOW_. He was not a fucking Neandertroll, dammit.

Karkat was so focused on going slow that it took him a moment to realize he couldn’t go any further. His bulge was completely enveloped, and, looking down, he could see Sollux’s nook stretched in a tight, glistening circle around the base. It gripped him relentlessly, sending waves of heat shooting along every nerve in his body and turning him into a jumbled mess of pure sensation. He swallowed once, hard.

“Okay, that wathn’t ath bad ath I thought it would be.” In stark contrast to Karkat’s inner turmoil, Sollux sounded almost casual. “Thtill feelth a little weird, but it doethn’t really hurt anymore.”

“Fan-fucking-tastic,” Karkat ground out, gritting his teeth harder as he fought to remain motionless. He was a little put out that Sollux didn’t seem to be feeling nearly as good as him, and he was still determined to reduce the smug douchebag to a helpless, writhing mess. “Are you done being a pathetic little wiggler? Can I start pailing you now? Yes?”

“Knock yourthelf out.” Sollux crossed his arms behind his head again and smirked. “Ehehe, my body ith ready. Make me _thwoooooon_ , KK.”

 _Pus-guzzling lusus-fucker_ \--Karkat put every ounce of his irritation into the first thrust, and was rewarded with a yelp and a scowl. Almost immediately, though, he forgot all about his petty victory. His scattered thoughts coalesced into sudden focus, centered on the incredible slide of his bulge against smooth-ridged-smooth-tight-hot-oh-fuck- _yes_ \--

“Holy shit, thlow down!” Sollux was panting beneath him. “Thith ith not a fucking _rathe_ , you do not get a prize for fathtetht fuck in the hithtory of Alternia!”

“God, you always complain about everything.” Karkat forced himself to stop, flushing slightly with embarrassment as he realized he’d pretty much just been humping away with wild abandon.

Suddenly the world lurched in a way worlds are not generally supposed to, and Karkat experienced a moment of bewildered terror before he recognized the red and blue glow surrounding him. Then gravity re-asserted itself, and he found himself on his back, staring up at a buck-fanged grin.

“That’th because you alwayth fuck everything up.” Sollux was straddling him, long scrawny legs sprawled awkwardly on either side. Somehow he’d managed to stay on Karkat’s bulge during their little telekinetic twirl. “Now shut your gaping fathe gash and let me do thith.”

His voice sounded annoyingly confident, but his movements were hesitant. Bracing his hands on Karkat’s chest, the tip of his tongue poking out of his mouth as he concentrated, he gave his hips a slow experimental roll.

“Oh fuck _yes_ ,” blurted Karkat involuntarily, and then he could only moan incoherently as Sollux did it again, a little faster this time.

“Oh.” Sollux sounded a little stunned. He was staring down at where their bodies were joined. “Oh. Um. Okay. That’th...uh. Yeah.” Raising himself up slightly, he tilted forward, changing the angle as he settled into a rhythm. “Oh my _fuck_ ,” he gasped. “That...nnngghh, hit that thpot again, right _there_ , uuuhhhhh...”

Karkat didn’t know if Sollux was talking to himself or actually issuing a command, and he had no idea what “that spot” was or how to go about hitting it. He just kept bucking his hips up, trying to match Sollux’s movements. This was so much better than jerking off. Sex was officially awesome.

A sudden sharp pain made him jerk his head up, and he scowled at the skinny fingers digging into his chest. “Hey, watch the claws, asshole!”

Sollux ignored him. Fucking typical. His face was flushed with yellow, and his hair was plastered to his forehead. “Uh, thith ith...too much work,” he wheezed. Then his eyes flickered up to meet Karkat’s. “Okay, your turn.”

Karkat hastily opened his mouth to protest, but he was too late. Red-blue light erupted around them, and his stomach churned as he was flipped unceremoniously through the air and back into his previous position.

 _Thunk_. “Ow, fuck!”

“Serves you right,” Karkat rasped, trying to catch his breath as he watched Sollux clutch his head. “You just...had to use your freaky brain powers, instead of moving...like...a _normal_ troll--”

“I’m fine, by the way--hhnnnggghhh--thankth tho much for athking, now...shut up...and fuck me.”

“Well. Yeah, okay.” Karkat’s hips snapped forward as he picked up the rhythm again. “I knew I’d have you...begging for it, Captor.”

There was a choked-off gurgle of a laugh below him, and then Sollux was wrapping his legs around Karkat’s waist. “Holy shit, you’re...fucking hilariouth--oh _god_...!”

Pressure was steadily mounting in Karkat’s abdomen, and he knew he wasn’t going to last much longer. He would still have been going strong when it was just him, his hand, and his porn stash, but hadn’t realized how _intense_ this would be. “Bucket,” he gasped, “where the hell is the--”

He caught a flicker of familiar light in the corner of his eye, and with a loud clang the bucket was wobbling beside him. He flailed for the handle, missed, then managed to grab it on his second try. Sollux was pushing insistently against his shoulders, and Karkat scrambled up to his knees, groaning as his bulge slipped free. Shit, that never happened in porn.

A pair of deceptively strong arms yanked him forward, and he smacked into Sollux’s chest with a muffled “oof!”. Immediately his bulge was back where it wanted to be, and the next few moments were a haze of frantic, clumsy rutting.

Sollux was the first to tip over the edge. “Fuck!” he wailed, arching his back, and Karkat could feel the hot rush of genetic material as it surged past his bulge and spattered against his thighs before dripping into the pail below.

He had a brief moment of smugness before his body responded instinctively, and then he was lost in an overwhelming surge of release as something deep within him finally gave way. He clung to the skinny body pressed against his own, dimly aware that Sollux had him in a similar death grip.

And just like that, it was over.

For a moment all either of them could do was suck in deep gulps of air. Karkat couldn’t believe how exhausted he was, his whole body twitching with little muscle tremors as he fought to stay upright. Sollux was limp against him, shiny with sweat, his forehead resting on Karkat’s shoulder. Concern flashed automatically through Karkat’s mind--the skinny fuck had been tossing his shiny brain lights around like crazy, and, while Karkat wasn’t exactly an expert on the subject, he knew that psionics plus rigorous physical exertion were never the greatest of combos.

He opened his mouth to say something, then changed his mind. Instead he cleared his throat and said gruffly, “I totally contributed more to the pail than you did.”

Sollux snorted, sending a puff of warm air across Karkat’s shoulder. “In your dreamth, KK.” Well, if he could snark back, he was probably fine.

“...Fuck it, I’m too tired for our usual bullshit. Just, uh.” Karkat had sort of been dreading this part, the inevitable Feelings Talk, but...“Was it. You know. Was it okay?”

“Yeah.”

“‘Yeah’? Just ‘yeah’? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

Sollux raised his head. “It meanth yeah, it wath good, I liked it, I want to do it again, you didn’t completely thuck, thtatithtically there have to be trollth thomewhere on Alternia who were even more awkward than uth, and altho I am tired ath fuck and I want to curl up with you in the recuperacoon and thleep for an entire perigee. All in all I conthider it a thuctheth. Did I cover everything? Can the feelingth talk be over now?”

“...Yes.”

“And, uh,” and now it was Sollux’s turn to fidget. “I thtill pity you and all that.”

“Yeah,” said Karkat. “I mean, uh, yeah, I pity you too. Nooksucker.”

“Luthuth fondler.”

“Pail-licking shit smear.”

“Mutant Mothergrub fetishitht.”

“...I still contributed more genetic material than you.”


End file.
